if i was not there…

i had a chat with a friend,

his brother was sick,

and needed care all day long,

how hard it is for him,

and when he is gone,

and his parents gone,

who is going to take care of the poor, sick brother?

 

Another friend wrote,

her mom is sick,

and the nurses and pharmacists and doctors say,

her mom is better when she is around,

and that makes her sad.

 

i never knew these kind of feelings,

for me, i always felt

i am replaceable,

just another guy off the line,

just another face in the crowd,

if i am gone,

my parents have 7 other kids who’ll look after them,

if i am gone,

my nephew has other uncles to look after him,

if i am gone,

my friends have other friends,

yeah, even guys i have known for over ten years,

they have new friends,

if i am gone,

no one will miss me,

if i am gone,

there is someone else who is going to pick up the dakwah

if i am gone…

 

heck, i am gone,

and i hardly get a message or a text,

“hey! it is been a while since i heard from you!”

it is kind of cheesy, yeah,

but it would not go unappreciated,

but yeah, life sucks that way.

 

people would not even notice if i am sick,

i wonder if they would care if i am dead.

“oh, fakhrul is dead? innalillah…” and go on mind your own business.

 

it is sad,

i am just another dirt on the ground,

a stone on the sidewalk…

Kawan saya sakit hari itu

Kawan saya sakit hari itu. Alhamdulillah, dia sudah kembali sembuh.

Kerana dia sakit, dia gembira dan bersyukur. Kerana masih ada yang menyayanginya.

Yang sudi menemani ke klinik.

Yang sudi memasaknya makanan.

Yang sudi mendoakan untuknya.

Yang sudi menjadi teman.

Kawan saya sakit hari itu, dan saya tidak ambil peduli. Kerana saya tidak tahu.

Saya tahu dia sakit, seperti sakit-sakit lain. Sakit appendicitis, sakit flu, sakit hati.

Sampai masa, insya Allah, sembuh dan pulih.

Saya ada kawan-kawan yang lain.

Seorang kawan saya jatuh sakit hari itu, hari ini dan hari esok.

Dia masih sakit dan belum sembuh.

Sakitnya memang tiada sembuh.

Dia sakit multiple sclerosis.

Kerana dia lelaki muda, prognosisnya tidak memberangsangkan.

Seorang lagi kawan saya sakit hari itu.

Sakitnya juga tiada sembuh.

Dia sakit mati.

Kembali menemui Tuhan.

 

Saya teringat bila saya jatuh sakit beberapa tahun lalu.

Saya demam teruk, dan muntah-muntah.

Rakan serumah saya hanya mengatakan saya mengada-ada.

Selama seminggu, saya tidak sanggup makan makanan yang keras.

Akhirnya, saya dimasukkan ke dalam wad, dan disuspek dihinggapi denggi.

Empat hari kemudian, saya keluar hospital. Keesokan harinya, saya terpaksa menghadapi peperiksaan.

 

Tahun berikutnya, saya jatuh sakit lagi.

Dalam perjalanan ke klinik, saya termuntah di pertengahan jalan.

Badan saya sungguh lemah.

Mujur seorang insan di tepi jalan membawa saya ke klinik.

Selama tiga hari, saya terlantar dalam bilik.

Mujur rakan serumah saya yang baru sanggup membelikan makanan untuk saya dan menjenguk melihat keperluan saya.

Saya berasa sangat berterima kasih kepada rakan Tionghua saya ini.

 

Mungkin episod sakit kita berbeza.

Sakit kita mungkin boleh sembuh. Sakit kita mungkin tiada sembuh.

Mungkin ada teman yang akan membantu. Mungkin kita terlantar begitu.

 

Apa mesej yang hendak saya sampaikan?

Entah, saya pun tak tahu.

If Death comes knocking

If Death comes knocking

i would gladly invite him in

offer him a drink

and ask for respite

to perform two rakaat

instead of goodbye

i would like to peacefully pass

it is not goodbye

it is ma’as salamah

ilal liqa’

until we meet again

The Knight, Death, and a game of Chess

He returned from the crusades,
the knight saw his town, his village
laid waste by the plague
He returned from the crusades
seeing how feeble life is
he returned from the crusades
taking up his sword
for all his sincerity
brought down by a lie from the Pope
He returned from the crusades
and saw families torn apart
a wife lost a husband
a daughter lost a brother
a son lost his father
he returned from the crusades
questioning the God

and thus,
his time came
respectfully
Death came
respectfully
he challenged for a game
of chess

life is meaningless
he concur
it would be pleasant to die
to leave, and to go away
if God is present
show him miracles
a gift
a sign
or present
why does He hide?
behind half promises and uncertainty
what he needs is
knowing
he is not afraid to die

yet he needs a respite
knowing full well
it will only delay the inevitable
the time will come
when the last move is done
the last "checkmate"
and he is done

yet he is a skillful player
even yet,
even a piece of his
is not taken

yet Death is a masterful tactician
Death conquers all
Death is certain

unwillingly
he revealed his trick
yet he persevere
and he will not give Death the pleasure
of taking what is his

kalau bulan boleh berkata-kata

kalau bulan boleh berkata-kata,

nescaya diam seribu bahasa.

berkongsi langit yang sama,

memijak bumi yang serupa,

namun yang dilihat,

jelas berbeza.

Selamat tinggal Jahiliah!

Aku kesal mengenalmu,

sebagaimana aku kesal untuk terus hidup,

hidup berkalang hutang,

akhirnya jadi

orang bukan orang.

Bisikan sang perindu menusuk kalbu,

biar gagah bak Badang

akan tetap melayu.

merindu pada sang Hantu

isi hati sudah tahu

tetap membiarku mati kutu.

anjakan paradigma membawa metamorfosis yang baru

mengajak kalian membuka perspektif baru

di sebalik medan siasah, punya medan sahsiah,

di sebalik sahsiah, punya rububiyah

semua bernaung di bawah langit yang indah.

petunjuk arah semua terletak sudah

Kalau bintang boleh bicara,

Pasti dia juga diam seribu bahasa.

need for speed

it has been on my mind for quite a while now; what kind of car will i drive?

for certain, the first car i buy will not be my dream car; it will only serve the purpose of car as a transportation. needless to say, i will value it like i value my partner.

as a man, a lot of things needed to be considered, the car should be a statement of myself. the car should serve my loved ones, family, friends and future-family. the car should be versatile, able to serve multiple purpose.

the car should be the perfect marriage of modern engineering and elegant design. the car should be a beauty; both under the hood and the body. the car should be sleek, fast, yet elegant.

the car should NOT be lifeless; it should roar and have a personality.

i contemplate on having a national car, for the sake of supporting local economy; yet most lifeless, off-the-mill mass-produced car made by evil, greedy, money-grubbing corporation trying to cut costs at every possible way giving birth to a cold, lifeless, personality-less car.

would i choose a Bugatti Veyron, a supercar with an 8.0 L turbo-charged engine with 987bhp while at the same time boasts the elegance of a royalty. the interior was designed by hand, the upholstery was custom made with white leather.

or the car i drove in Norway. the driving was simply delightful.

yet, i can see that my dream car exists only in dreams…

Here we go again

A cookbook in Australia had to be recalled and pulped due to a misprint calling to add grounded black people.
An episode in South Park made fun of the political correctness of the word "nigger". At the end of the day, we learnt that we won't understand what the niggers went through and felt being called "a nigger".
And at the 200th episode of South Park, they went for The Prophet Muhammad. Again.
Thus, there began a movement to deliberately harass and offend Muslims all around the world by declaring May 20 as the day everyone should draw the prophet.
The insinuation is that the Muslims, being the terrorists and big bullies as they are, terrorize and bully people from expressing themselves freely, by being stopped from drawing the Muslim's Prophet Muhammad. The people's freedom is jeopardized and the next thing we know, the world will change and everyone will be under the Islamic iron claw.
Being freedom fighters, we must protect this notion, even at the expense of the Muslims. The Muslims have no right to stop us from doing whatever we want. They can bomb us if they want, we don't care. We must protect our sacred freedom of speech.
If the Muslims are offended, so be it. If we wear red shirts and the Thais are offended, do we give a damn?
We can call the black people as "niggers" for all we want because we have freedom of speech.
I plead to everyone, and want to declare that we, Muslims, get it. We understand. You have proved your point. You can do what you want. You have your freedom of speech. We won't threaten you. We respect your rights. We will not bomb you.
Now, will you please put away your pens, pencils, crayons, drawing utensils, etc, away? We ask you for one thing, please, please, PLEASE, with a cherry on top, don't escalate this and don't draw our prophet EVER?
Why do you even bother? It is not that you even believe in him anyway?